Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

23 The Fourth Personal Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth

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“Well then, in consequence of the aforesaid, and because just like us they are also only Keschapmartnian beings, and the normal removal from their presences of this sacred substance which constantly and inevitably arises in them can proceed exclusively only with the opposite sex when they utilize it for the continuation of the species by means of the sacred process ‘Elmooarno’; and also because they were not in the habit of utilizing it for the purpose of coating their higher being-bodies; these chance surviving three-brained beings there—namely, those who had already been existing as it is not becoming for three-brained beings to exist, that is to say, when during several of their years they had existed without beings of the opposite sex—began to turn to various antinatural means for the removal from themselves of the sacred substance Exioëhary formed in them.

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“On the planet Earth, just as on other planets of our Universe where Keschapmartnian three-brained beings breed and exist, that is to say, those three-brained beings the formation of whose Exioëhary for the purpose of creating a new being must obligatorily proceed in the presences of two distinct independent sexes, the fundamental difference between the sacred Exioëharies formed in the presences of the distinct and opposite sexes of Keschapmartnian beings, that is to say, in ‘men’ and ‘women,’ is that in the Exioëhary formed in the presences of beings of the male sex the localized sacred ‘affirming’ or ‘positive’ force of the sacred Triamazikamno participates; while for the completed formation of the Exioëhary in the presences of beings of the female sex, there participates the localized sacred ‘denying’ or ‘negative’ force of the same sacred law.

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“And owing to the same all-gracious foresight and command of our FATHER of Everything Existing in the Great Universe, and according to the actualizations of Great Mother Nature, then in certain surrounding conditions and with the participation of the third separately localized holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, namely, the holy force called ‘Reconciling,’ the blending of these two Exioëharies arising in two distinct independent different beings just gives, owing to the process called ‘the process of the sacred Elmooarno’ which proceeds between those beings of opposite sex, the beginning for the arising of a new being.

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“At that period, these terrestrial three-brained beings, already of responsible age, whom the others named ‘Astrologers,’ besides making the said observations and investigations of various other cosmic concentrations for the purpose of a greater, as is said, ‘detailizing’ of that branch of general learning of which they were representatives, fulfilled several further definite essence-obligations taken upon themselves towards surrounding beings similar to themselves.

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“Among their fundamental definite obligations was that they also, like our Zirlikners, had to advise all the conjugal pairs in their what was then called ‘flock,’ according to the types of those pairs, about the time and form of the process of the sacred ‘Elmooarno’ for the purpose of a desirable and corresponding conception of their results, and when such results were actualized, or, as they themselves say, ‘newly born,’ they had to draw up their ‘Oblekioonerish’ which is the same as what your favorites call ‘horoscope’; and later either they themselves or their substitutes had—during the whole period of the formation of the newly born for responsible existence and of their subsequent responsible existence—to guide them and give corresponding indications on the basis of the said Oblekioonerish and also on the basis of the cosmic laws, constantly explained by them, flowing from the actions of the results of other large cosmic concentrations in general on the process of being-existence of beings on all planets.

39 The Holy Planet “Purgatory”

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“I might say here, that there even exists in our Great Megalocosmos a planet on which this sacred law Heptaparaparshinokh carries out its completing process for the continuation of the species of the three-brained beings, through three independent individuals. You might as well be acquainted somewhat in detail with this uncommon planet.

“This planet is called Modiktheo and belongs to the system of the ‘Protocosmos.’

“Beings arising on this planet are three-brained, like all other three-brained beings arising on all the planets of our Great Megalocosmos, and in their exterior appearance are almost similar to us, and at the same time are—and are also so considered by all others—the most ideal and perfect of all the innumerable various-formed exterior coatings of three-brained beings in all our Great Universe; and all our now existing angels, archangels, and most of the Sacred Individuals nearest to our COMMON FATHER ENDLESSNESS arise just upon this marvelous planet.

“The transformation through them of the cosmic substances required for the common-cosmic Trogoautoegocratic process, according to the sacred law of Heptaparaparshinokh, proceeds on these same principles on which it proceeds through our common presences and also through the presences of your favorites, the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth. For the continuation of their species alone does this sacred law effect its completing process through three kinds of beings, wherefore such three-brained beings are called ‘Triakrkomnian’; separately, however, just as among us beings of different sexes are called Actavus and Passavus or are called on your planet man and woman, so there on the planet Modiktheo they call the beings of the different sexes ‘Martna,’ ‘Spirna,’ and ‘Okina,’ and although externally they are all alike, yet in their inner construction they are very different from each other.

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“The process of the continuation of their species proceeds among them in the following manner:

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“All three beings of different sexes simultaneously receive the ‘sacred Elmooarno,’ or as your favorites say ‘conception,’ through a special action, and for a certain period they exist with this sacred Elmooarno or ‘conception’ apart from one another, entirely independently, but each of them exists with very definite intentional perceptions and conscious manifestations.

42 Beelzebub in America

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“‘On account of this itching children begin, unconsciously at first, to rub or scratch these places. Later, as there are concentrated in these parts of the organism all the ends of the nerves created by Nature for the special sensation required for the completion of the sacred process Elmooarno, which normally arises in adult people at the end of what is called copulation, and as, especially at a certain period when according to the providence of Great Nature there proceeds in these organs of children a process of preparation for future sex functioning, they experience from this rubbing or scratching a certain peculiar pleasant sensation, they therefore begin intentionally—having instinctively realized from which of their actions this pleasant sensation is evoked in them—to rub these places even when there is no itching; and thus the ranks of the little “Moordoortenists” on the Earth are always increasing by leaps and bounds.

44 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Understanding of Justice Is for Him in the Objective Sense an Accursed Mirage

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“According to all the information I learned and also according to every other special method of my investigation, it transpired that this terrestrial three-brained being named Makary Kronbernkzion arose and began to exist there on the continent Atlantis from the sacred process of ‘Elmooarno’ which proceeded between two terrestrial beings there of different sex who had just reached responsible age.