Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

42 Beelzebub in America

42.1004

“‘And concerning the causes themselves of the appearance of Moordoorten among children, it was said in Chapter VI, Verse xi of this incomparable book that this disease occurs in children for the following reasons:

42.1004

“‘Among the definite substances elaborated by the human organism and constantly thrown off by it as waste, there is a definite substance called “Kulnabo.”

42.1004-5

“‘This substance is in general elaborated in the organism of beings for the purpose of neutralizing other also definite substances necessary for the functioning of their sex organs, and it is formed and participates in the functioning of the said organs from the very beginning of the arising of the beings of both sexes, that is to say, from their infancy.

42.1005

“‘Great Nature has so arranged it that after its utilization the residue of this substance is discharged from the organism of boys at the place between the “Toolkhtotino” and the “Sarnuonino,” and in girls from the places between the “Kartotakhnian hills.”

42.1005

“‘The parts of the organism of boys located at the end of what is called the “genital member” and which are named in this incomparable book “Toolkhtotino” and “Sarnuonino” are named by contemporary medicine there “glans penis” and “praeputium penis”; and the “Kartotakhnian hills,” covering what is called the “clitoris” of girls, are called “labia majora” and “labia minora” or, as is said in common language, “the large and small obscene lips.”

42.1005

“‘For the substance “Kulnabo” contemporary medicine has no name at all, this independent substance being entirely unknown to it.

42.1005

“‘Contemporary terrestrial medicine has a name only for the general mass of those substances among which is also the substance Kulnabo.

42.1005

“‘And this total mass is called “Smegma,” a composition of entirely heterogeneous substances secreted by various what are called “glands” which have nothing in common with each other; as, for instance, the “grease” gland, the “Bartholinian” gland, the “Cowperian,” “Nolniolnian,” and others.

42.1005-6

“‘The separation and volatilization of these waste substances should in accordance with the providence of Great Nature be induced for the said places by means of all kinds of chance contacts and by various movements occurring in the atmosphere.

42.1006

“‘But, unforeseen by Nature, the clothing which people have invented for themselves prevents the said factors from freely effecting the separation and volatilization of these substances, with the result that this Kulnabo, remaining for a long time on these places, promotes the arising of perspiration; moreover, as this substance is in general the very best medium for the multiplication of what are called “bacteria,” which exist in the atmosphere as well as in what are called the “subjective spheres” of all kinds of things coming into direct contact with the children, there occurs from this multiplying there on the given parts of the organism of children a process called “itching.”

42.1006

“‘On account of this itching children begin, unconsciously at first, to rub or scratch these places. Later, as there are concentrated in these parts of the organism all the ends of the nerves created by Nature for the special sensation required for the completion of the sacred process Elmooarno, which normally arises in adult people at the end of what is called copulation, and as, especially at a certain period when according to the providence of Great Nature there proceeds in these organs of children a process of preparation for future sex functioning, they experience from this rubbing or scratching a certain peculiar pleasant sensation, they therefore begin intentionally—having instinctively realized from which of their actions this pleasant sensation is evoked in them—to rub these places even when there is no itching; and thus the ranks of the little “Moordoortenists” on the Earth are always increasing by leaps and bounds.