Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

23 The Fourth Personal Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth

23.277

“Well then, in consequence of the aforesaid, and because just like us they are also only Keschapmartnian beings, and the normal removal from their presences of this sacred substance which constantly and inevitably arises in them can proceed exclusively only with the opposite sex when they utilize it for the continuation of the species by means of the sacred process ‘Elmooarno’; and also because they were not in the habit of utilizing it for the purpose of coating their higher being-bodies; these chance surviving three-brained beings there—namely, those who had already been existing as it is not becoming for three-brained beings to exist, that is to say, when during several of their years they had existed without beings of the opposite sex—began to turn to various antinatural means for the removal from themselves of the sacred substance Exioëhary formed in them.

23.277

“The beings of the male sex then turned to the anti-natural means called ‘Moordoorten’ and ‘Androperasty,’ or, as the contemporary beings would say, ‘onanism’ and ‘pederasty,’ and these antinatural means fully satisfied them.

27 The Organization for Man’s Existence Created by the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash

27.382

“Here it is necessary to say, that these favorites of yours, particularly the contemporary ones, become ideally expert in not allowing this inner impulse of theirs, called Remorse-of-Conscience, to linger long in their common presences.

27.382

“No sooner do they begin to sense the beginning, or even only, so to say, the ‘prick’ of the arising of the functioning in them of such a being-impulse, than they immediately, as it is said ‘squash’ it, whereupon this impulse, not yet quite formed in them, at once cairns down.

27.382

“For this ‘squashing’ of the beginning of any Remorse-of-Conscience in themselves, they have even invented some very efficient special means, which now exist there under the names of ‘alcoholism,’ ‘cocainism,’ ‘morphinism,’ ‘nicotinism,’ ‘onanism,’ ‘monkism,’ ‘Athenianism,’ and others with names also ending in ‘ism.’

38 Religion

38.737

“And as regards the remaining terrestrial three-brained beings, who by the way in general represent in themselves the majority, then they, becoming usually transformed at the corresponding age—owing to many causes, but chiefly because already from the earliest years of their existence it became proper to them to occupy themselves with what is called ‘Moordoorten’—into what are called ‘psychopaths,’ accept blindly, literally, and word for word, entirely without any being-logical mentation, all these ‘fantastic absurdities’ which reached them; and a kind of special peculiar ‘faith’ in all this religious teaching becomes automatically formed in them as if it represented in itself the totality of all the ‘truths’ connected with and related to just this Sacred Individual Jesus Christ who was indeed intentionally actualized among them from Above.

42 Beelzebub in America

42.977

“The beings of most of the groups on the continent Asia are safeguarded against many venereal diseases as well as against any other ‘sexual abnormalities’, if only, for instance, by such customs known there by the names ‘Sooniat’ and ‘Abdest.’

42.977

“The first of these customs, namely, sooniat, or, as it is otherwise called ‘circumcision,’ not only saves most of the Asiatic beings of responsible age from many venereal diseases there, but also safeguards many of the children and youths of that continent against the ‘scourge’ mercilessly spread among the children and youths of the continents of Europe and America, namely, that ‘scourge’ known there under the name ‘onanism.’

42.977-8

“For example, according to my statistics, the said ‘scourge’ that is ‘children’s onanism,’ is scarcely met with among the children of those three-brained beings there who observe this custom of ‘circumcision,’ whereas all the children and youths of the beings who fail to observe this custom are without exception exposed to this same sexual abnormality.

42.1003

“‘If you wish, my young friend, I will tell you in detail about the arising of this custom, and you will understand from it why a custom so good for the health and normal life of people was included in the Judaic religion, and since the Judaic doctrine was made the basis of the Christian religion, this custom also could not fail to be taken over and introduced into the process of the ordinary life of the followers of the Christian religion.

42.1003

“‘This custom which you call sooniat was first created and introduced into the Judaic religious doctrine by the Great Moses.

42.1003

“‘And why the Great Moses introduced this custom into the religion of the Judaic people I learned from a very ancient Chaldean manuscript.

42.1003-4

“‘It was said in this manuscript that when the Great Moses was the leader of the Judaic people and conducted them from the land of Egypt to the land of Canaan, he constated the fact during the journey that among the youths and children of the people confided to him from Above there was very widely spread the disease then called “Moordoorten,” which contemporary people call onanism.

42.1004

“‘It was further said in the manuscript that having constated this fact, the Great Moses was greatly perturbed and from then on began observing very closely in order to discover the causes of this evil and some means of uprooting it.

42.1004

“‘These researches of his led this incomparable sage later to write a book under the title of Tookha Tes Nalool Pan, which in contemporary language means “the quintessence of my reflections.”

42.1004

“‘With the contents of this remarkable book I also once happened to become acquainted.

42.1004

“‘At the beginning of the explanation about the disease Moordoorten it was said, among other things, that the human organism has been brought by Great Nature to such perfection that each and every organ has been provided with a means of defense against every external contingency; and hence that if any organ should function incorrectly in people, it must always be the people themselves who are to blame owing to their own established conditions of everyday life.

42.1004

“‘And concerning the causes themselves of the appearance of Moordoorten among children, it was said in Chapter VI, Verse xi of this incomparable book that this disease occurs in children for the following reasons:

42.1004

“‘Among the definite substances elaborated by the human organism and constantly thrown off by it as waste, there is a definite substance called “Kulnabo.”

42.1004-5

“‘This substance is in general elaborated in the organism of beings for the purpose of neutralizing other also definite substances necessary for the functioning of their sex organs, and it is formed and participates in the functioning of the said organs from the very beginning of the arising of the beings of both sexes, that is to say, from their infancy.

42.1005

“‘Great Nature has so arranged it that after its utilization the residue of this substance is discharged from the organism of boys at the place between the “Toolkhtotino” and the “Sarnuonino,” and in girls from the places between the “Kartotakhnian hills.”

42.1005-6

“‘The separation and volatilization of these waste substances should in accordance with the providence of Great Nature be induced for the said places by means of all kinds of chance contacts and by various movements occurring in the atmosphere.

42.1006

“‘But, unforeseen by Nature, the clothing which people have invented for themselves prevents the said factors from freely effecting the separation and volatilization of these substances, with the result that this Kulnabo, remaining for a long time on these places, promotes the arising of perspiration; moreover, as this substance is in general the very best medium for the multiplication of what are called “bacteria,” which exist in the atmosphere as well as in what are called the “subjective spheres” of all kinds of things coming into direct contact with the children, there occurs from this multiplying there on the given parts of the organism of children a process called “itching.”

42.1006

“‘On account of this itching children begin, unconsciously at first, to rub or scratch these places. Later, as there are concentrated in these parts of the organism all the ends of the nerves created by Nature for the special sensation required for the completion of the sacred process Elmooarno, which normally arises in adult people at the end of what is called copulation, and as, especially at a certain period when according to the providence of Great Nature there proceeds in these organs of children a process of preparation for future sex functioning, they experience from this rubbing or scratching a certain peculiar pleasant sensation, they therefore begin intentionally—having instinctively realized from which of their actions this pleasant sensation is evoked in them—to rub these places even when there is no itching; and thus the ranks of the little “Moordoortenists” on the Earth are always increasing by leaps and bounds.

42.1007-8

“‘The beneficial results of the customs then created by the Great Moses even now continue to be fairly visible in practice.

42.1008

“‘Concerning, for instance, the custom of circumcision in particular, I, being a good diagnostician and able to tell from one glance at a man’s face what disharmony he has in his organism, can safely say that this terrible children’s disease of onanism is scarcely ever found among those children upon whom this rite has been performed, whereas the children of those parents who fail to observe this custom are almost all subject to it.

42.1008

“‘The exceptions in this respect are only the children of those parents who are indeed cultured in the full sense of the word and who clearly understand that the future normal mentation of their children depends exclusively upon whether they do or do not contract this disease in their childhood or youth.

42.1008

“‘Such cultured parents know very well that if even once the sensation of the climax of what is called the “Ooamonvanosinian process” occurs in what is called the “nervous system” of their children before they reach majority, they will already never have the full possibility of normal mentation when they become adult; and hence it is that such cultured parents always consider it their first and chief duty towards their children to educate them in this respect.

42.1008

“‘Unlike most contemporary parents, they do not consider that the education of children consists in badgering them to learn by rote as much poetry as possible, composed by “Moordoortenist psychopaths,” or in teaching them to “click their heels well” before their acquaintances, in which accomplishments according to the notions of people of recent times the whole education of children unfortunately consists.

42.1010

“‘For example, as you yourself have justly observed, thanks to circumcision and ablution one rarely finds among the followers of this religion either onanism or certain venereal diseases, and thanks to polygamy we see among the followers of this religion such a reciprocal so to say psycho-organic maintenance of the foundation of family life as is almost entirely absent among the followers of the Christian religion.

42.1023-4

“At the present time this fox trot is indulged in everywhere at all times of the day and night not only by young and still unformed beings who do not even begin to be aware of the sense and aim of their arising and existence, but also by those whose faces clearly express—as it can be constated by every normal more or less sensible three-brained being—that in respect of their duration of existence, as our teacher would say, ‘not only have they one foot in the grave but even both.’ The point, however, is that the process of the experience in a being during the said fox trot is exactly similar to that which proceeds during that children’s disease which the Great Moses called ‘Moordoorten.’

42.1029

“And indeed, my boy, owing to the complete absence of good patriarchal customs and to their notorious ‘education,’ the contemporary beings of that continent have already become completely transformed into what are called ‘automatons’ or living mechanical puppets.

42.1029

“It must without fail be remarked here that one of the principal causes of this state of the beings of contemporary civilization is also that same onanism of theirs, a disease which in recent times has come to be almost epidemic there, and which is in its turn also a consequence again of their education of children, thanks to a certain maleficent idea established among its rulers and which is already, as it were, an inseparable part of the consciousness of everybody, namely, their maleficent idea that ‘to speak to children about the sex question is absolutely improper.’