Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

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Oblekioonerish

 

23 The Fourth Personal Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth

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“At that period, these terrestrial three-brained beings, already of responsible age, whom the others named ‘Astrologers,’ besides making the said observations and investigations of various other cosmic concentrations for the purpose of a greater, as is said, ‘detailizing’ of that branch of general learning of which they were representatives, fulfilled several further definite essence-obligations taken upon themselves towards surrounding beings similar to themselves.

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“Among their fundamental definite obligations was that they also, like our Zirlikners, had to advise all the conjugal pairs in their what was then called ‘flock,’ according to the types of those pairs, about the time and form of the process of the sacred ‘Elmooarno’ for the purpose of a desirable and corresponding conception of their results, and when such results were actualized, or, as they themselves say, ‘newly born,’ they had to draw up their ‘Oblekioonerish’ which is the same as what your favorites call ‘horoscope’; and later either they themselves or their substitutes had—during the whole period of the formation of the newly born for responsible existence and of their subsequent responsible existence—to guide them and give corresponding indications on the basis of the said Oblekioonerish and also on the basis of the cosmic laws, constantly explained by them, flowing from the actions of the results of other large cosmic concentrations in general on the process of being-existence of beings on all planets.

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“These indications of theirs, and also their, so to say, ‘warning counsels’ consisted in the following:

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“When a function became disharmonized or only began to be disharmonized in the presence of any being of their flock, then this being applied to the Astrologer of his district, who, on the basis of the said Oblekioonerish made by him, and on the basis of the changes expected, according to his calculations, in the processes proceeding in the atmosphere, flowing in their turn from the action of the other planets of their solar system, indicated just what he had to do to his planetary body, at which definite periods of the Krentonalnian movements of their planet—as for instance, in which direction to lie, how to breathe, what movements preferably to make, with which types to avoid relations, and many things of the same kind.

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“In addition to all this, they assigned to the beings at the seventh year of their existence, likewise on the basis of these Oblekioonerishes, corresponding mates of the opposite sex for the purpose of fulfilling one of the chief being-duties, that is, continuation of the race, or as your favorites would say, they assigned them ‘husbands’ and ‘wives.’