Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

Chapter.Page

Ors

 

2 Introduction: Why Beelzebub Was in Our Solar System

2.52

Long, long before, while Beelzebub was still existing at home on the planet Karatas, he had been taken, owing to his extraordinarily resourceful intelligence, into service on the “Sun Absolute,” where our LORD SOVEREIGN ENDLESSNESS has the fundamental place of HIS Dwelling; and there Beelzebub, among others like himself, had become an attendant upon HIS ENDLESSNESS.

2.52

It was just then that, owing to the as yet unformed Reason due to his youth, and owing to his callow and therefore still impetuous mentation with unequally flowing associations—that is, owing to a mentation based, as is natural to beings who have not yet become definitely responsible, on a limited understanding—Beelzebub once saw in the government of the World something which seemed to him “illogical,” and having found support among his comrades, beings like himself not yet formed, interfered in what was none of his business.

2.52

Thanks to the impetuosity and force of Beelzebub’s nature, his intervention together with his comrades then soon captured all minds, and the effect was to bring the central kingdom of the Megalocosmos almost to the edge of revolution.

2.52

Having learned of this, HIS ENDLESSNESS, notwithstanding his All-lovingness and All-forgiveness, was constrained to banish Beelzebub with his comrades to one of the remote corners of the Universe, namely, to the solar system “Ors” whose inhabitants call it simply the “Solar System,” and to assign as the place of their existence one of the planets of that solar system, namely, Mars, with the privilege of existing on other planets also, though only of the same solar system.

2.53

Among these exiles, besides the said comrades of Beelzebub, were a number of those who merely sympathized with him, and also the attendants and subordinates both of Beelzebub and of his comrades.

All, with their households, arrived at this remote place and there in a short time on the planet Mars a whole colony was formed of three-centered beings from various planets of the central part of our Great Universe.

2.53

All this population, extraordinary for the said planet, accommodated itself little by little to its new dwelling place, and many of them even found one or another occupation for shortening the long years of their exile.

They found occupations either on this same planet Mars or upon the neighboring planets, namely, on those planets that had been almost entirely neglected on account of their remoteness from the Center and the poverty of all their formations.

2.53-4

Although the solar system “Ors” had been neglected owing to its remoteness from the center and to many other reasons, nevertheless our LORD SOVEREIGN had sent from time to time HIS Messengers to the planets of this system, to regulate, more or less, the being-existence of the three-brained beings arising on them, for the coordination of the process of their existence with the general World Harmony.

 

9 The Cause of the Genesis of the Moon

9.81

Beelzebub began his tale as follows:

9.81

“After we arrived on the planet Mars where we were directed to exist, we began slowly to settle down there.

9.81

“We were still fully absorbed in the bustle of organizing everything externally necessary for a more or less tolerable existence in the midst of that Nature absolutely foreign to us, when suddenly, on one of the very busiest days, the whole planet Mars was shaken, and a little later such an ‘asphyxiating stink’ arose that at first it seemed that everything in the Universe had been mixed up with something, one might say ‘indescribable.’

9.81

“Only after a considerable time had passed and when the said stink had gone, did we recover and gradually make out what had happened.

“We understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon was just that same planet Earth which from time to time approached very near to our planet Mars and which therefore we had possibilities of observing clearly, sometimes even without a ‘Teskooano.’

9.81

“For reasons we could not yet comprehend, this planet, it transpired, had ‘burst’ and two fragments detached from it had flown off into space.

9.81

“I have already told you that this solar system was then still being formed and was not yet ‘blended’ completely with what is called ‘The-Harmony-of-Reciprocal-Maintenance-of-All-Cosmic-Concentrations.’

9.81-2

“It was subsequently learned that in accordance with this said ‘General-Cosmic-Harmony-of-Reciprocal-Maintenance-of-All-Cosmic-Concentrations’ there had also to function in this system a comet of what is called ‘vast orbit’ still existing and named the comet ‘Kondoor.’

“And just this very comet, although it was then already concentrated, was actualizing its ‘full path’ for only the first time.

9.82

“As certain competent Sacred Individuals also later confidentially explained to us, the line of the path of the said comet had to cross the line on which the path of that planet Earth also lay; but as a result of the erroneous calculations of a certain Sacred Individual concerned with the matters of World-creation and World-maintenance, the time of the passing of each of these concentrations through the point of intersection of the lines of their paths coincided, and owing to this error the planet Earth and the comet ‘Kondoor’ collided, and collided so violently that from this shock, as I have already told you, two large fragments were broken off from the planet Earth and flew into space.

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“This shock entailed these serious consequences because on account of the recent arising of this planet, the atmosphere which might have served as a buffer in such a case had not yet had time to be completely formed upon it.

9.82

“And, my boy, our ENDLESSNESS was also immediately informed of this general cosmic misfortune.

“In consequence of this report, a whole commission consisting of Angels and Archangels, specialists in the work of World-creation and World-maintenance, under the direction of the Most Great Archangel Sakaki, was immediately sent from the Most Holy Sun Absolute to that solar system ‘Ors.’

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“The Most High Commission came to our planet Mars since it was the nearest to the planet Earth and from this planet of ours began its investigations.

9.82-3

“The sacred members of this Most High Commission at once quieted us by saying that the apprehended danger of a catastrophe on a great cosmic scale had already passed.

9.83

“And the Arch-Engineer Archangel Algamatant was good enough to explain to us personally that in all probability what had happened was as follows:

9.83

“‘The broken-off fragments of the planet Earth had lost the momentum they received from the shock before they had reached the limit of that part of space which is the sphere of this planet, and hence, according to the “Law of Falling,” these fragments had begun to fall back towards their fundamental piece.

9.83

“‘But they could no longer fall upon their fundamental piece, because in the meantime they had come under the cosmic law called “Law-of-Catching-Up” and were entirely subject to its influence, and they would therefore now make regular elliptic orbits around their fundamental piece, just as the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth, made and makes its orbit around its sun “Ors.”

9.83

“‘And so it will always continue, unless some new unforeseen catastrophe on a large scale changes it in one way or another.

9.83

“‘Glory to Chance…’ concluded His Pantemeasurability, ‘the harmonious general-system movement was not destroyed by all this, and the peaceful existence of that system “Ors” was soon re-established.’

9.83

“But nevertheless, my boy, this Most High Commission, having then calculated all the facts at hand, and also all that might happen in the future, came to the conclusion that although the fragments of the planet Earth might maintain themselves for the time being in their existing positions, yet in view of certain so-called ‘Tastartoonarian-displacements’ conjectured by the Commission, they might in the future leave their position and bring about a large number of irreparable calamities both for this system ‘Ors’ and for other neighboring solar systems.

9.84

“Therefore the Most High Commission decided to take certain measures to avoid this eventuality.

9.84

“And they resolved that the best measure in the given case would be that the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth, should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance, the sacred vibrations ‘askokin.’

9.84

“This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred ‘Heptaparaparshinokh’ and the sacred ‘Triamazikamno,’ function, as is called, ‘Ilnosoparno,’ that is to say, when the said sacred cosmic laws in the given cosmic concentration are deflected independently and also manifest on its surface independently—of course independently only within certain limits.

 

16 The Relative Understanding of Time

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“Bear in mind, first of all, that according to the data about which you will also learn when I shall later have specially explained to you the fundamental laws of World-creation and World-maintenance, it is also established by the same Objective Science that in general all normal three-brained beings, and amongst them certainly even the beings arising on our planet Karatas, sense the sacred ‘Egokoolnatsnarnian’ action for the definition of Time forty-nine times more slowly than the same sacred action is sensed by the sacred Individuals dwelling on the Most Holy Sun Absolute.

16.128

“Consequently the process of the flow of Time for the three-brained beings of our Karatas flows forty-nine times more quickly than on the Sun Absolute, and thus it should flow also for the beings breeding on the planet Earth.

16.128

“And it is also calculated that during the period of Time in which the sun ‘Samos’ actualizes its nearest approach to the sun ‘Selos,’ which period of the flow of Time is considered a ‘year’ for the planet Karatas, the planet Earth actualizes in relation to its Sun ‘Ors’ three hundred and eighty-nine of its ‘Krentonalnian-revolutions.’

“From which it follows that our ‘year,’ according to the conventionally objective time-calculation, is three hundred and eighty-nine times longer than that period of Time which your favorites consider and call their year.’

 

17 The Arch-absurd According to the Assertion of Beelzebub, Our Sun Neither Lights nor Heats

17.135

“In reality, the surface of their ‘Source-of-Heat,’ like that of all the ordinary suns of our Great Universe, is perhaps more covered with ice than the surface of what they call their ‘North Pole.’

17.135-6

“Surely this ‘hearth-of-heat’ itself would rather borrow heat, if only a little, from some other source of ‘cosmic-substance,’ than send a part of its own heat to any other planet, especially to that planet which, though it belongs to its system, yet in consequence of the splitting off from it of a whole side, became a ‘lopsided monstrosity’ and is now already a source of ‘offensive-shame’ for that poor system ‘Ors.’

 

18 The Arch-preposterous

18.149

“The cause of my first meeting with that three-centered being who subsequently became my essence-friend and by whom I saw the said experiments with the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, was as follows.

18.149

“That you may better represent to yourself the events of this tale of mine, you must first of all know that at the beginning of my exile to that solar system, certain corresponding essence-friends of mine who had not taken part in those events from which the causes of my exile had issued, performed concerning my personality that sacred process which exists in the Universe under the name of the ‘Sacred Vznooshlitzval,’ that is to say, concerning my personality there was implanted in the presences of those three-brained beings by means of another sacred process called ‘Askalnooazar,’ that which Objective Science defines by the notion, ‘Trust-another-like-yourself.’

18.149

“Well, then, just after my arrival in that solar system Ors, when I began visiting its various planets and first descended upon the surface of the planet Saturn, it turned out in connection with the aforesaid, that one of the beings who had undergone the sacred action of ‘Vznooshlitzval’ regarding my person was what is called there the ‘Harahrahroohry’ of all the three-centered beings arising and existing on the planet Saturn.

 

19 Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent onto the Planet Earth

19.180

“‘This second catastrophe to the planet Earth,’ continued His Conformity, ‘occurred owing to the following:

19.180

“‘When during the first disaster two considerable fragments had been separated from this planet, then for certain reasons, the what is called “center-of-gravity” of the whole of its presence had no time to shift immediately into a corresponding new place, with the result that right until the second catastrophe, this planet had existed with its “center-of-gravity” in a wrong position, owing to which its motion during that time was not “proportionately-harmonious” and there often occurred both within and upon it various commotions and considerable displacements.

“‘But it was recently, when the center-of-gravity of the planet finally shifted to its true center, that the said second catastrophe occurred.

19.180-1

“‘But now,’ added His Conformity with a shade of self-satisfaction, ‘the existence of this planet will be quite normal in respect of the common-cosmic harmony.

“‘This second catastrophe to the planet Earth has finally quite pacified and convinced us also that a catastrophe on a great scale cannot again occur on account of this planet.

19.181

“‘Not only has this planet itself now again acquired a normal movement in the general cosmic equilibrium, but its two detached fragments’—which, as I have already told you, are now called Moon and Anulios—‘have also acquired a normal movement and have become, although small, yet independent “Kofensharnian,” that is, additional, planets of that solar system Ors.’

19.181-2

“And in his further detailed explanations, His Conformity then said, among other things, that after the second catastrophe to the Earth, the biped three-brained beings who had accidentally survived had again multiplied; that now, the whole process of their being-existence was concentrated on another, newly formed, also large continent called ‘Ashhark’; that three independent large groups had just been formed on this same large continent ‘Ashhark,’ the first of which existed in a locality then called ‘Tikliamish,’ the second in a place called ‘Maralpleicie,’ and the third in a still existing locality then called ‘Gemchania’ or ‘Pearl-land’; and that in the general psyche of the beings belonging to all those three independent groups, certain peculiar ‘Havatvernoni’ had been formed, that is, certain psychic strivings, the totality of the process of which common-cosmic strivings they themselves had named ‘Religion.’

19.182

“‘Although these Havatvernoni or Religions have nothing in common,’ continued His Conformity, ‘yet nevertheless in these peculiar religions of theirs there is very widely spread among the beings of all three groups the same custom called among them “Sacrificial-Offerings.”

“‘And this custom of theirs is based on the notion, which can be cognized only by their strange Reason alone, that if they destroy the existence of beings of other forms in honor of their gods and idols, then these imaginary gods and idols of theirs would find it very, very agreeable, and always and in everything unfailingly help and assist them in the actualization of all their fantastic and wild fancies.

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“‘This custom is at present so widespread there, and the destruction of the existence of beings of various forms for this maleficent purpose has reached such dimensions, that there is already a surplus of the “Sacred Askokin” required from the planet Earth for its former parts, that is to say, a surplus of those vibrations which arise during the sacred process of “Rascooarno” of beings of every exterior form arising and existing on that planet from which the said sacred cosmic arising is required.

19.183

“‘For the normal formation of the atmosphere of the newly arisen planet Moon, the said surplus of the Sacred Askokin has already begun seriously to hinder the correct exchange of matters between the planet Moon itself and its atmosphere, and the apprehension has already arisen that its atmosphere may in consequence be formed incorrectly and later become an obstacle to the harmonious movement of the whole system Ors, and perhaps again give rise to factors menacing a catastrophe on a greater common-cosmic scale.

19.206

“And so, from the sea Kolhidious, I soon ascended on the ship Occasion to the planet Mars, where our beings and several kind Martians, who had already learned of the events which had taken place on the planet Earth, paid due respect to the planetary body I had taken with me.

“They buried him with the ceremonies customary on the planet Mars, and over the spot they erected a corresponding construction.

19.206

“Anyhow, this was the first and surely will be the last what your favorites call ‘grave,’ for a being of the planet Earth on this so near yet so far and, for the terrestrial beings, quite inaccessible planet Mars.

19.206

“I learned afterwards that this story reached His All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Most Great Archangel ‘Setrenotzinarco,’ the All-Quarters-Maintainer of that part of the Universe to which that system Ors belongs, and that He manifested his pleasure by giving to whom it was proper, a command concerning the soul of this terrestrial friend of mine.

 

22 Beelzebub for the First Time in Tibet

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“Clearly to understand in what work it was there that I became interested, you must know, first of all, that the planet Mars is for the system Ors, to which it belongs, what is called a ‘Mdnel-outian’ link in the transformation of cosmic substances, in consequence of which it has what is called a ‘Keskestasantnian-firm-surface,’ that is to say, one half of its surface consists of land-presence and the other of ‘Saliakooriapnian’ masses; or, as your favorites would say, one half of it is land or one continuous continent, and the other half is covered with water.

 

23 The Fourth Personal Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth

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“Yes, my boy, it seems that I have not yet told you why and by whom, since I left the solar system Ors, I am kept informed by etherograms of the most important events which proceed on various planets of that system, and, of course, also about events proceeding on your planet Earth.

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“You remember I told you that my first descent in person upon the surface of that planet of yours took place on account of one of the young beings of our tribe, who then had no desire to stay there any longer but returned with us to the planet Mars, where he later became a very good chief over all the beings of our tribe existing on that planet, and who is now already the chief over all the beings in general of our tribe who for various reasons still exist on certain planets of that system Ors.

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“Well then, my boy, when I left that system, I presented my famous observatory to him with everything in it, and in gratitude for this he promised to report every month, according to the time-calculation of the planet Mars, all the more important events occurring on the planets of that system.

“And now this chief keeps me very accurately informed of the most important events proceeding on all the planets on which there is a being-existence; and, knowing my great interest in the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth, he does his best, as I now see, to elucidate and send me information concerning all those manifestations of theirs which can give me now also the possibility of being constantly informed of the whole process of the ordinary existence of these three-brained beings, even though I find myself already inaccessibly remote even for their featherweight thoughts.

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“That chief of our beings who remains there collects the various kinds of information he communicates concerning the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, either by means of his own observations of them through the great Teskooano which I left him, or from reports which, in their turn, are communicated to him by those three beings of our own tribe who chose to exist forever on the planet Earth, and all three of whom have at the present time on the continent of Europe different substantial independent undertakings indispensable for everyone existing there under the prevailing conditions.

 

34 Russia

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“First of all you must be told that all the three-brained beings, on whatever planet they may arise, and whatever exterior coating they may receive, always await the manifestations of the action of this law with impatience and with joy, somewhat how your favorites await what are called their feasts of ‘Easter,’ ‘Bairam,’ ‘Zadik,’ ‘Ramadan,’ ‘Kailana,’ and so on.

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“The only difference is in this, that your favorites await these feasts of theirs with impatience because on these ‘holydays’ it has become customary among them to allow themselves to be more ‘jolly’ and to ‘booze’ freely; while the beings of the other planets await the action of Solioonensius with impatience because, thanks to it, the need for evolving, in the sense of the acquiring of Objective-Reason by them, increases in them by itself.

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“As regards the causes which bring forth this same action of this cosmic law, they are for each planet different and always flow from and depend upon what is called the ‘common cosmic Harmonious-Movement’; moreover, frequently for your planet Earth, what is called the ‘center-of-gravity-of-causes’ is the ‘periodic tension’ of the sun of its system, which tension proceeds in its turn thanks to the influence upon this sun of a neighboring solar system, which exists under the name of ‘Baleaooto.’

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“In this latter system however, such a center-of-gravity-of-causes arises because among the number of its ‘concentrations’ there is a great comet Solni, which, according to certain known combinations of the common-cosmic Harmonious-Movement at times approaches on its falling very near to its sun Baleaooto, which is forced by this to make a ‘strong tension’ in order to maintain the path of its own falling. This tension provokes the tension of the suns of the neighboring systems, among the number of which is the system Ors; and when the sun Ors strains itself not to change its path of falling inherent to it, this sun Ors in its turn provokes the same tension in all the concentrations of its own system, among which is also the planet Earth.

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“The tension in all the planets acts also on the common presences of all beings arising and breeding on them, always engendering in the beings, besides desires and intentions of which they are not aware, the feeling called ‘sacred Iabolioonosar,’ or as your favorites would say, the feeling of religiousness, namely, that ‘being-feeling’ which at times appears in the desire and striving for, as I have already said, speedier self-perfecting in the sense of Objective-Reason.

 

40 Beelzebub Tells How People Learned and Again Forgot About the Fundamental Cosmic Law of Heptaparaparshinokh

40.838

“A mammoth,” replied Beelzebub, “is a two-brained being; in the beginning it also bred on your planet and had, in comparison with other beings there of all brain systems, a large exterior form.

40.838

“This kind of being also became a victim of the consequences of that large piece broken off from the planet Earth and now called Moon, which is now an independent, as I expressed it, ‘planetary upstart’ of this solar system Ors, and the chief bearer of evil to this ill-fated planet of yours.

40.838

“The point is that when the atmosphere of this small planetary upstart began to be formed and became gradually harmonized, great winds arose in the atmosphere of the planet Earth, owing to which several regions of its surface—you remember, I have already spoken about this to you—were buried with sand; moreover, at this time snow constantly fell in what are called the ‘north’ and ‘south’ polar regions of its atmosphere, and all the depressions of the surface of these north and south polar terra firma regions were covered by these falls of snow.

 

44 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Understanding of Justice Is for Him in the Objective Sense an Accursed Mirage

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“When my sons were prepared to leave the planet Mars forever, your uncle Tooilan begged me to keep him periodically informed of my observations of the Earth beings, which I of course promised to do; and they flew away from there to the Center nearer to Our Lord.

44.1123

“When they arrived there and it proved that they were well informed concerning the position of cosmic concentrations and their properties and particularities, and also that they were practically versed in the calculations of the totality of the reciprocal influences, then thanks to all this they were immediately assigned to the said responsible duties.

44.1123-4

“And so when I learned of the permanent place of their existence and to which posts they were found worthy, I, from then on, according to my promise, sent every quarter of our year to Tooilan an exact copy of all my written summaries of those observations which I continued to make. Rather many years passed since the time I began to send Tooilan these etherograms and I personally did not know what became of them until I received information about these same turbulent events on the planet Purgatory. It transpired that the great Governor of the holy planet Purgatory, His All-Quarters-Maintainer the Arch-cherub Helkgematios, having once by chance learned that one of the assistants of the Governor of the etherogram station, Tooilan, periodically received from the solar system Ors very long etherograms from his father, evinced a desire to become acquainted with their contents, and having become acquainted with them, he not only became interested in them himself, but even commanded your uncle Tooilan always to reproduce the contents of these etherograms in the common planetary ‘Toolookhterzinek,’1 so that some of the ‘higher being-bodies’ dwelling on the holy planet might, if they wished, for a rest, be informed of the psyche of those peculiar three-brained beings breeding in one of the very remote corners of the Megalocosmos.

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“Your uncle Tooilan afterwards always did so. Whenever he received etherograms from me he always reproduced their contents in the common planetary Toolookhterzinek, and in this way all those righteous souls dwelling on the holy planet were kept informed of all my observations and investigations of everything concerning their strange psyches.

“From then on, certain of the righteous higher being-bodies there on the holy planet not only began to follow all my observations very attentively, but they also began to ponder on the strangeness of their psyche.

44.1130

“I shall begin by saying that when I decided to occupy myself there with this, I then began from that time on, whenever I met any corresponding individual, to inquire about everything which in totality might throw some light on one or other aspect of the individuality of this Makary Kronbernkzion.

44.1130

“You will probably be interested to learn that among the first individuals I met who could give me some information about what I have said, a very aged being of our tribe turned out to be very useful. In conversation he cleared up many things for me and indicated to me several very good sources from which I later drew very useful and detailed information.

44.1130

“This elderly being about whom I now speak was none other than the uncle of that young being of our tribe on whose account I had to descend to this planet of yours the first time and who afterwards became the chief over all the beings of our tribe who were exiled to that system Ors.

44.1130

“This mentioned elderly being of your planet existed just on the continent Atlantis and just at that period when that Makary Kronbernkzion existed there also.

44.1144

1 Toolookhterzinek is similar—of course to a certain degree—to that which on Earth is called a “radiogram.”

 

45 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Extraction of Electricity from Nature and Its Destruction During Its Use, Is One of the Chief Causes of the Shortening of the Life of Man

45.1145

“It would be only half a calamity for our common Megalocosmos, if the abnormalities of the ordinary existence of the three-brained beings of this planet of yours had all kinds of bad consequences only for them themselves, that is, for the three-brained beings, which they are, and also for the possibilities of completely perfecting themselves with those higher being-bodies which have already had the extreme misfortune to arise within them or which will arise within them in the future.

45.1145

“But now the whole terror lies in this, that their abnormal existence already begins to have a repercussion and a harmful influence on the normal existence of the three-brained beings who breed on quite different planets, though, it is true, belonging to the same solar system, and also have a harmful influence on the possibilities of the normal self-perfecting of their higher being-parts coated in their common presences.

45.1145

“I happened to learn about this distressing fact of common-cosmic character only just before my departure forever from that solar system Ors.