Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

45 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Extraction of Electricity from Nature and Its Destruction During Its Use, Is One of the Chief Causes of the Shortening of the Life of Man

45.1147

“I nevertheless had to exist on the planet Mars for a certain time in order to liquidate all my personal affairs there and to give various orders concerning the beings of our tribe. And it was just at this time that I was told that the ‘Toof-Nef-Tef’ there very much wished to see me.

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“Toof-Nef-Tef on the planet Mars is the name given to the being who is the head of all the three-brained beings breeding on this planet, and he is like that being who in the same position on your planet is called ‘king.’

45.1147

“I knew this Toof-Nef-Tef or king in his youth when he was only a ‘Plef-Perf-Noof,’ and a Plef-Perf-Noof is almost the same as our Zirlikners or, on your planet Earth, ‘physicians.’

45.1147

“My first meeting with the Martian Toof-Nef-Tef took place when we first arrived in this solar system and settled on this planet Mars. He was then a Plef-Perf-Noof just on that part of the surface of this planet where I and all who came with me had the place of our residence.

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“Since then, existing on various parts of the surface of the planet Mars in the capacity of Plef-Perf-Noof, he merited becoming the head over all the beings breeding on the planet Mars; and when he neared the state of the sacred ‘Ischmetch,’ he desired to return to just that part of the surface of his planet where he had spent his youth. That is why this former Plef-Perf-Noof, now Toof-Nef-Tef, happened at that time to be near the place of my residence on Mars.

45.1148

“This Martian Toof-Nef-Tef was, according to the notions of your favorites, already an extremely old being: he was by the time-calculation of the planet Mars about twelve thousand Martian years old, which is only a little less than the time-calculation of the Earth.

45.1149

“And so, when I returned to the planet Mars from the planet Earth, and while I was hurriedly finishing the liquidation of my affairs there, I was informed that the Toof-Nef-Tef of the planet wished to see me personally.

45.1149

“This request of the honorable Toof-Nef-Tef was translated to me through our Ahoon by means of what is there called a ‘Kelli-E-Ofoo.’¹

45.1150

“And so, my boy, when I received the said invitation from the honorable Toof-Nef-Tef, I of course immediately decided to go to him without delay, and when I arrived there, this, in the full sense of the word, great Toof-Nef-Tef, after all the prescribed ceremonies and exchange of courtesies, turned to me as we were talking, with his request, which was just the cause for the subsequent crystallization in me of corresponding data for the indubitable conviction that the results ensuing from the abnormal existence of the three-brained beings of your planet had already begun to act harmfully also on the ordinary existence of the three-brained beings arising and existing on the planet Mars, in respect of their ‘potency’ to perfect themselves as is proper to all three-brained beings.

45.1150

“I shall try to give you in our speech the contents of this request of the Great Toof-Nef-Tef almost literally.

45.1150

“He then said as follows:

45.1150

“‘Your Right Reverence!

45.1150

“‘Thanks to the most gracious pardon granted to you from Above, you have again acquired the right freely to actualize your justly merited wishes. And thanks to this all-embracing grace, you have again all the possibilities of becoming what you might long ago have been owing to your formerly acquired merits as regards Reason, and of course from now on, you, your Right Reverence, will undoubtedly meet various Individuals corresponding to your Reason who have already reached the higher gradations of Reason.

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“‘And so, I take the liberty of applying to you, as my old friend, with the request which consists in this, that on meeting these Individuals you should remember about me, an old being, and not forget to ask their opinion about that fact which during recent years has almost all the time been a shock for the arising of disturbing associations in all my spiritualized parts, and that when you will have learned their opinion, not to refuse to communicate it to me somehow or other at a suitable occasion.’

45.1151

“And he continued further:

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“‘The point is that during the last few “Ftofoos” I constated very definitely that, among the beings of our planet, the “Noorfooftafaf”³ increases each “Ftofoo,” and parallel with this, I observed in them a proportional diminishing of the intensity of their potency for the possibility of active mentation.

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“‘When I first discovered this fact, so deplorable for the beings of our planet, and began from then on intensively to ponder and to seek the cause of it, in order to be able to give corresponding indications to those beings who have entrusted themselves to me to help them in their struggle to uproot this lamentable factor that has newly arisen in their common presences, then in spite of the fact that I meditated very often and long on this question which constantly agitates me, I have up till now not been able even approximately to elucidate for myself where the trouble lies and what corresponding measures must be taken to destroy this evil.’

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“Thus ended the request of the honorable Toof-Nef-Tef of the planet Mars, and I, my boy, of course, there and then promised this oldest friend of mine to inquire about all this and at my first meeting with a corresponding Individual to communicate the reply to him without fail.

45.1155

“And so, my boy, when during our general conversation on various topics, I, by the way, became interested to learn from my godson what was the reason which led to the crystallizing in his presence of data for the engendering of the impulse to interest himself seriously in the sphere of the elucidating of the details of the Omnipresent cosmic-substance Okidanokh, thanks to which he also, like his producer, had become worthy to make certain great cosmic discoveries; then after young Rakhoorkh’s reply with explanatory details to this question of mine, the fact became clear to me that the abnormal existence of your favorites already began to act harmfully on the normal existence and on the conscious self-perfecting of beings breeding on the planet Mars, and at the same time, thanks to this detailed reply of his, which was based on scientific foundations, I drew also data for the elucidating of that question for the solution of which my old Martian friend, the Great Toof-Nef-Tef had applied to me with his request.

45.1159

“And when during the further explanations of Gornahoor Rakhoorkh, I, by association, remembered the request of the great Toof-Nef-Tef of the planet Mars, I then with all my being became aware without any doubt of all the maleficent consequences of just this manifestation of the three-brained beings of your planet.

45.1159

“They named the totality or the separate parts of this substance, sacred just for them, differently at different periods, and at the present time they name the result of the blending and the mutual destruction of two parts of this omnipresent substance ‘Electricity.’

45.1160

¹ Kelli-E-Ofoo on the planet Mars is the same thing which on the Earth is called a “note.”

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³ The expression “Noorfooftafaf” signifies on this planet something like what is called on the Earth “will-lessness.”