Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

42 Beelzebub in America

42.1006

“‘But, unforeseen by Nature, the clothing which people have invented for themselves prevents the said factors from freely effecting the separation and volatilization of these substances, with the result that this Kulnabo, remaining for a long time on these places, promotes the arising of perspiration; moreover, as this substance is in general the very best medium for the multiplication of what are called “bacteria,” which exist in the atmosphere as well as in what are called the “subjective spheres” of all kinds of things coming into direct contact with the children, there occurs from this multiplying there on the given parts of the organism of children a process called “itching.”

42.1006

“‘On account of this itching children begin, unconsciously at first, to rub or scratch these places. Later, as there are concentrated in these parts of the organism all the ends of the nerves created by Nature for the special sensation required for the completion of the sacred process Elmooarno, which normally arises in adult people at the end of what is called copulation, and as, especially at a certain period when according to the providence of Great Nature there proceeds in these organs of children a process of preparation for future sex functioning, they experience from this rubbing or scratching a certain peculiar pleasant sensation, they therefore begin intentionally—having instinctively realized from which of their actions this pleasant sensation is evoked in them—to rub these places even when there is no itching; and thus the ranks of the little “Moordoortenists” on the Earth are always increasing by leaps and bounds.

42.1006

“‘As regards just what measures the Great Moses took for eradicating that evil, I learned not from the aforementioned book Tookha Tes Nalool Pan, but from the contents of an also very ancient papyrus.

42.1007

“‘From the contents of this papyrus it could be clearly seen that the Great Moses gave practical effect to the thoughts set down on this question in the book Tookha Tes Nalool Pan, by creating for his people those two religious rites, one of which is called “Sikt ner chorn” and the other “Tzel putz kann.”

42.1007

“‘The sacred “Sikt ner chorn” was specially created for boys and the sacred “Tzel putz kann” for girls, and they were to be obligatorily performed on all children of both sexes.

42.1007

“‘According to the information which has come down to us from ancient times and also according to our own common sense, it is plain that the Great Moses, who as we learn from another source was a very great authority on medicine, wished by this means to secure that the totality of substances accumulating in the said places might of itself be mechanically removed owing to all kinds of accidental contact and thus cease to become a factor for the arising of the mentioned maleficent itching. Concerning the vast learning of the Great Moses in the province of medicine, many diverse historical sources agree that he obtained his medical knowledge during his stay in Egypt as a pupil of the Egyptian high priests, to whom this knowledge had come down from their ancestors of the continent Atlantis, the first and last genuinely learned beings of the Earth, the members of the society then called Akhaldan.

42.1009

“‘These two rites were created by the Great Moses and introduced then into the ordinary life of the Judaic people in order to counteract that maleficent invention of clothes, thanks to which those factors were destroyed which were provided by Nature for the protection of these organs from the harmful action of the substances given off by them; and these two rites were transmitted from generation to generation, both to the followers of this Judaic religion themselves as well as to others who took over these useful rites almost unchanged. And it was only after “the death of the great King Solomon” that the rite “Tzel putz kann” ceased for some reason or other to be performed even by the followers of this Judaic religion, and only the rite “Sikt ner chorn” automatically continued to be performed and reached the contemporary representatives of that race.