Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

42 Beelzebub in America

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“Well then, thanks to the fact that many diseases then called ‘Kolbana,’ ‘Tirdiank,’ ‘Moyasul,’ ‘Champarnakh,’ and so on, and called by contemporary beings ‘tabes,’ ‘sclerosis disseminata,’ ‘hemorrhoids,’ ‘ishias,’ ‘hemiplegia,’ and so on, were widely prevalent among the majority of those using these exceedingly comfortable ‘couch beds,’ those beings from among them in whose common presences the data for Hasnamussian properties had, thanks to the complete absence of the actualization of being-Partkdolg-duty, already previously begun to be crystallized more intensively than usual, and among whom were those called ‘revolutionaries,’ observing this particularity, decided to take advantage of it for their own purposes; that is to say, types of this kind invented and circulated broadcast among the masses of beings of that time, that all the aforesaid epidemic contagious diseases resulted from the fact that, thanks to the beds, ‘if you wish to enjoy felicity, then enjoy it with a mighty bang,’ the ‘parasitic bourgeois’ contracted various diseases, which diseases afterwards spread by contagion among the masses.

43 Beelzebub’s Survey of the Process of the Periodic Reciprocal Destruction of Men, or Beelzebub’s Opinion of War

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“Among the beings then on the continent Atlantis, conceptions of several definite, very peculiar symptoms were current, according to which the given beings were recognized and confined in the Anoroparionikima.

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“But the most conclusive symptom of all was when that property appeared in somebody which was then called ‘Moyussool’ and which contemporary beings already consider an illness and call ‘hemorrhoids.’

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“In these Anoroparionikima, beings of this kind were obliged to remain without stirring from them during those periods indicated by the surrounding beings; but they were under no compulsion to do anything, but existed as they liked. In regard to them there was only one aim, that they neither met nor spoke with normal beings of the given locality.

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“Such beings were then confined in these buildings because, according to the notions then, they at certain periods of the month, thanks to these various ‘taints’ of theirs, interfered by their radiations with the quiet and regular existence of the surrounding beings.