Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

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Beelzebub intended to say more, but just then everything was suddenly lit up with a “pale blue something.” From that moment the falling of the ship Karnak began to diminish perceptibly in speed.

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All this meant that one of the great Cosmic Egolionopties was about to come alongside the space-ship Karnak.

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And indeed through the transparent outer parts of the ship Karnak the source of that “pale blue something” soon became visible, which lit up not only the whole of the interior of the ship Karnak but also all the space of the Universe surrounding this great cosmic Egolionopty as far as the ordinary vision of beings could reach.

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Of these great Egolionopties there are only four in the Universe and each of them is under the jurisdiction of one of the four All-Quarters-Maintainers of the Universe.

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A hurried and anxious commotion began among all of the beings aboard, and in a short time all the passengers and the crew assembled in the main hall situated in the center of the ship.

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Each of them bore a branch of myrtle in one hand and a Devd’el Kascho in the other.

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When the great cosmic Egolionopty had come alongside the ship Karnak, certain parts of the latter were moved apart in a special way and there passed from the Egolionopty into the main hall of the ship a procession composed of several archangels and a multitude of angels, cherubim, and seraphim, and they all too bore branches in their hands, but of palm.

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At the head of this procession walked a venerable archangel and immediately after him two cherubim followed solemnly, bearing a casket from which something also radiated, but this time something orange.

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In front of everyone in the main hall of the ship Karnak stood Beelzebub and behind him were ranged his kinsmen and the captain of the ship, and all the others stood behind them at a respectful distance.

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When the said procession from the Egolionopty neared the beings of Beelzebub’s nature who were assembled in expectation, they halted and all of both forces, differently natured three-brained beings, joined together in singing the “Hymn to our ENDLESSNESS,” which Hymn is always sung on such occasions everywhere in the Universe, by beings of all natures and all forms of exterior coating.

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This Hymn consists of the following words:

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Thou Long Patient CREATOR Of All That Breathes,
Thou Abundantly LOVING CAUSE Of All That Exists,
Thou Unique VANQUISHER Of The Merciless Heropass,
Now To The Sounds Of Our Glorifying
Only Rejoice And Abide In Beatitude.
By Thy Unprecedented Labors Thou Hast Given Us The Beginning Of Our Arisings,
By Thy Vanquishing Of The Heropass Have We Obtained The Possibility
Of Perfecting Ourselves To The Sacred Anklad.
And Now Only Rest, As Merited,
And We, In Gratitude, Will Maintain All That Thou Hast Created
And Always And In All Things Will Extol Thee Forever,
Extol Thee MAKER-CREATOR
Thou, The Beginning Of All Ends,
Thou, Proceeding From Infinity,
Thou, Having The End Of All Things Within Thyself,
Thou, Our ENDLESS ENDLESSNESS.

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When the Hymn had been sung, the venerable archangel approached Beelzebub and solemnly proclaimed:

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“By the decree of his All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Arch-cherub Peshtvogner, and bearing his own sacred rod, we appear before you, your Right Reverence, in order to restore to you, in accord with the pardon granted you from Above and for certain of your merits, what you lost during your exile—your horns.”

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Having said this, the venerable archangel turned toward the casket borne by the cherubim and with pro found reverence carefully took from it the sacred rod.

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Meanwhile all those present knelt down on one knee, while the angels and cherubim began to sing the appropriate sacred canticles.

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Taking the sacred rod in his hand, the archangel turned again towards Beelzebub and spoke thus to the beings of Beelzebub’s nature:

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“Beings created by our same UNI-BEING ENDLESSNESS Who has pardoned this once erring being Beelzebub, who by the infinite grace of our CREATOR will again exist among you, beings like Himself….

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“As the virility and degree of Reason of beings of your nature are defined and manifested by the horns on your head, we must with the permission of our All-Quarters-Maintainer, and with your help, restore the horns lost by Beelzebub.

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“Beings created by our ONE COMMON FATHER, your aid will consist in this, that each of you should consent to renounce for Beelzebub’s merited pardon certain particles of your own horns.

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“Whosoever therefore consents and wishes to do so, let him approach the sacred rod and touch its handle, and on the length of time the handle of the sacred rod is held will depend the amount of active elements passing from your own horns for the formation of the corresponding horns on this pardoned being of your nature.”

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Having said this, the venerable archangel, holding the chief end of the sacred rod, that is, the ball, over the kneeling Beelzebub, turned the handle towards those there assembled in such a way that whoever wished might touch it.

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As soon as the venerable archangel had finished speaking, a very great commotion began among the beings of Beelzebub’s nature, each desiring to approach nearer and to be the first to touch the sacred rod with their hands as long as possible.

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Order, however, was soon established and each then in turn approached and held the handle for as long as was indicated by the captain of the ship, who had taken upon himself the necessary direction.

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During the solemn, sacred action, horns little by little began to grow upon the head of Beelzebub.

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At first, while just the bare horns were being formed, only a concentrated quiet gravely prevailed among those assembled. But from the moment that forks began to appear upon the horns a tense interest and rapt attention began to be manifested among them. This latter state proceeded among them, because everybody was agitated by the wish to learn how many forks would make their appearance on Beelzebub, since by their number the gradation of Reason to which Beelzebub had attained according to the sacred measure of Reason would be defined.

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First one fork formed, then another, and then a third, and as each fork made its appearance a clearly perceptible thrill of joy and unconcealed satisfaction proceeded among all those present.

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As the fourth fork began to be formed on the horns, the tension among those assembled reached its height, since the formation of the fourth fork on the horns signified that the Reason of Beelzebub had already been perfected to the sacred Ternoonald and hence that there remained for Beelzebub only two gradations before attaining to the sacred Anklad.

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When the whole of this unusual ceremony neared its end and before all those assembled had had time to recover their self-possession from their earlier joyful agitation, there suddenly and unexpectedly appeared on the horns of Beelzebub quite independently a fifth fork of a special form known to them all.

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Thereupon all without exception, even the venerable archangel himself, fell prostrate before Beelzebub, who had now risen to his feet and stood transfigured with a majestic appearance, owing to the truly majestic horns which had arisen on his head.

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All fell prostrate before Beelzebub because by the fifth fork on his horns it was indicated that He had attained the Reason of the sacred Podkoolad, i.e., the last gradation before the Reason of the sacred Anklad.

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The Reason of the sacred Anklad is the highest to which in general any being can attain, being the third in degree from the Absolute Reason of HIS ENDLESSNESS HIMSELF.

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But the Reason of the sacred Podkoolad, to which Beelzebub had already perfected himself, is also very rare in the Universe, hence even the venerable archangel prostrated himself before Beelzebub because his own degree of Reason was as yet only that of the sacred Degindad, i.e., wanting three degrees to the Reason of the sacred Anklad.

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When all had arisen to their feet, the venerable archangel, addressing this time all the assembled beings of various natures, proclaimed:

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“Beings created by One CREATOR, we have all just become worthy to be the first to behold the final formation of the appearance of that which is the dream both of all those present and of the beings in general of the whole of our great Megalocosmos.

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“And now let us all together exult and rejoice over such a worthiness, which is for us such a revivifying shock for our ability to struggle against our own denying source, which ability alone can lead us to that sacred Podkoolad attained by one of the sons of our COMMON FATHER, who although he first transgressed on account of his youth, yet afterwards was able by his conscious labors and intentional sufferings to become worthy with his essence to be one of the very rare Sacred Individuals of the whole of our Great Universe.”

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After this proclamation of the archangel all the beings without exception present on the space-ship Karnak then began to sing the prescribed sacred canticle entitled “I Rejoice.”

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And when this last sacred canticle also had been sung, all the angels and cherubim, with the venerable archangel at their head, returned to the cosmic Egolionopty which then left the ship Karnak and disappeared gradually into space, whereupon the passengers and crew began to disperse to their places and the Karnak resumed its falling toward its destination.

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After the termination of the Most Great Universal Solemnity just described, Beelzebub with His grandson and His old servant Ahoon, deeply moved like all of the other passengers of the space-ship Karnak by this unexpected event, returned to that part of the ship where all their talks proceeded concerning the men-beings arising and existing on the Earth.

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When Beelzebub, now with a transfigured appearance corresponding to His merits and visible to all, had occupied His usual place, Ahoon, His old servant who had been close to Him during almost the whole of His existence, unexpectedly fell prostrate before Him and in a sincerely entreating voice began to speak:

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“Sacred Podkoolad of our Great Megalocosmos! Have mercy upon me and pardon me, an unfortunate ordinary three-centered being, for my past disrespectful manifestations, voluntary and involuntary, towards Your Sacred Essence.

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“Have mercy and pardon me: just this three-centered being, who, though he has existed a very long time, yet to his misfortune—only because in his preparatory age nobody aided the crystallization in him of the data for the ability of intensively actualizing being-Partkdolg-duty—had until now been so shortsighted that he had been unable to sense the reality present beneath an exterior with which, according to the common-cosmic Trogoautoegocrat, all those existing and newly arising units of the Megalocosmos are coated, who ought to have in their presence that sacred ‘something’ which is called Reason.”

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Having said this, Ahoon stood as if sunk in a stupor of silent expectancy.

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And Beelzebub, also in silence, gazed at him with a look which, though perceived externally from without was full of love and forgiveness, yet there could be felt in it also His Essence-grief and inevitable resignation.

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During this afore-described scene, Hassein stood apart in the posture everywhere called the ‘posture-of-the-all-famous-universal-hermit,’ Harnatoolkpararana of the planet Kirmankshana.

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And when a little bit later Beelzebub cast His eyes around and noticed His grandson in the said posture, He turned to him and said:

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“What, my boy! Can it be that the same proceeds in your presence as in our old Ahoon’s?”

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To this question of Beelzebub’s, Hassein, also in an uncertain tone unusual for him, timidly replied:

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“Almost… yes… Sacred Podkoolad of our Great Megalocosmos. Only with this difference, that at this moment the impulse of love both for our Ahoon and for the three-brained beings of the planet Earth now functions still more strongly in me.

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“This impulse of love has become stronger in me, evidently because, as it seems to me, both Ahoon and the three-brained beings of the planet Earth have greatly aided me in becoming worthy to be a recent eyewitness of the Great Solemnity of Him who is the cause of the cause of my arising and Whom hitherto I have called my dear grandfather and Who has already visibly become one of the sacred Podkoolads of our Great Megalocosmos, before Whom all will bow and before Whom I have at this moment the happiness to stand.”

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“Eh, eh, eh!” exclaimed Beelzebub, and having given his features the usual expression He was wont to assume during his sojourn on the Earth, said:

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“First of all I wish to remark and in the speech of Mullah Nassr Eddin, whom I particularly honor, to voice the thought which arises by association concerning Ahoon’s words which were not peculiar to him and his assumed posture quite unusual for him.

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“Our dear teacher in such a case would say, ‘Don’t shed tears in vain like that crocodile which snapped at the fisherman and missed biting off his lower left half.’

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“And now first take your usual places and then let us talk a little more.

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“Although our ship is now entering the spheres of our planet Karatas, yet as usually happens with space-ships, in order to exhaust the momentum they have acquired, a fairly long time will elapse before it stops at its destined mooring place.”

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Hassein and Ahoon immediately and silently proceeded to follow the suggestion of Beelzebub, though by their movements and the translucency of their inner psyche, it was evident that there had been a marked change in their attitude toward the person of Beelzebub since the above-described Common Universal Event.

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When they had taken their places they sat down, this time not with the unconstraint they had formerly shown.

Then Beelzebub, turning to Hassein, said, “First of all, my boy, I give you my word that when we return home—unless any event from external causes independent of our Essence will prevent this—I shall explain to you everything relating to the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, concerning that which during this journey of ours on the ship Karnak I promised to explain, but which I have for some reason or other left unexplained.

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“But meanwhile, if you have any question in mind that now needs explanation, ask.

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“I warn you, however, that we have not enough time to reply in the manner that has become proper to our talks during all this time and hence try to formulate your question in such a way that my answer also may be brief.

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“By such a question you can even, apropos, once more show me to what extent your logical mentation has increased during my tales concerning the strange psyche of the three-centered beings arising and existing on the planet Earth.”

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At this proposal of his grandfather, Hassein deeply thought rather a long time, and then, in an exalted mood, spoke as follows:

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“Sacred Podkoolad and fundamental cause of the cause of my arising!

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“Since the solemnity which has just taken place, when Your Sacred Essence became coated with a corresponding visible exterior and when thereby the whole of its significance which cannot be perceived nor understood by all three-brained beings became clear and even sensible to me as well as to every other cosmic unit, save Yourself, every word spoken by You and every counsel of Yours is taken by me as law.

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“I must therefore strive with the whole of my presence to carry out the suggestion You have just made to me and try as well and as briefly as possible to formulate my question.

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“Sacred Podkoolad, and cause of the cause of my arising.

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“In order that the convictions formed in me during this time, owing to Your explanation of the abnormalities proceeding on the Earth, may become definitely crystallized in me, I still wish very much to have this time Your personal and frank opinion as to the following: How You would reply if, let us suppose, our ALL-EMBRACING CREATOR ENDLESSNESS HIMSELF, were to summon You before HIM and ask You this:

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“‘Beelzebub!!!!

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“‘You, as one of the anticipated, accelerated results of all My actualizations, manifest briefly the sum of your long-centuried impartial observations and studies of the psyche of the three-centered beings arising on the planet Earth and state in words whether it is still possible by some means or other to save them and to direct them into the becoming path?’”

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Having said this, Hassein arose and, standing in a posture of reverence, began to look expectantly at Beelzebub.

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And Ahoon also rose.

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Beelzebub, smiling lovingly at this question of Hassein’s, first said that He was now quite convinced that His tales had brought Hassein the desired results; and then in a serious tone He continued that if our ALL-EMBRACING UNI-BEING-CREATOR should indeed summon Him before HIM and ask Him thus, He would answer.

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Thereupon Beelzebub suddenly also arose unexpectedly and having stretched His right hand forward and His left hand back, He directed His vision somewhere afar off, and it seemed that with His sight He was, as it were, piercing the very depths of space.

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Simultaneously ‘something’ pale yellow began little by little to arise around Beelzebub and to envelop Him, and it was in no way possible to understand or to discern whence this something issued—whether it issued from Beelzebub Himself or proceeded to Him from space from sources outside of Him.

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Finding Himself in these cosmic actualizations incomprehensible for all three-brained beings, Beelzebub in a loud voice unusual for Him very penetratingly intoned the following words:

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“THOU ALL and the ALLNESS of my WHOLENESS!

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“The sole means now for the saving of the beings of the planet Earth would be to implant again into their presences a new organ, an organ like Kundabuffer, but this time of such properties that every one of these unfortunates during the process of existence should constantly sense and be cognizant of the inevitability of his own death as well as of the death of everyone upon whom his eyes or attention rests.

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“Only such a sensation and such a cognizance can now destroy the egoism completely crystallized in them that has swallowed up the whole of their Essence and also that tendency to hate others which flows from it—the tendency, namely, which engenders all those mutual relationships existing there, which serve as the chief cause of all their abnormalities unbecoming to three-brained beings and maleficent for them themselves and for the whole of the Universe.”