Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

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Ilnosoparno

 

9 The Cause of the Genesis of the Moon

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“But nevertheless, my boy, this Most High Commission, having then calculated all the facts at hand, and also all that might happen in the future, came to the conclusion that although the fragments of the planet Earth might maintain themselves for the time being in their existing positions, yet in view of certain so-called ‘Tastartoonarian-displacements’ conjectured by the Commission, they might in the future leave their position and bring about a large number of irreparable calamities both for this system ‘Ors’ and for other neighboring solar systems.

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“Therefore the Most High Commission decided to take certain measures to avoid this eventuality.

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“And they resolved that the best measure in the given case would be that the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth, should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance, the sacred vibrations ‘askokin.’

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“This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred ‘Heptaparaparshinokh’ and the sacred ‘Triamazikamno,’ function, as is called, ‘Ilnosoparno,’ that is to say, when the said sacred cosmic laws in the given cosmic concentration are deflected independently and also manifest on its surface independently—of course independently only within certain limits.

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“And so, my boy, inasmuch as such a cosmic actualization was possible only with the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS, the Great Archangel Sakaki, accompanied by several other sacred members of that Most High Commission, set off immediately to HIS ENDLESSNESS to beseech Him to give the said sanction.

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“And afterwards, when the said Sacred Individuals had obtained the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS for the actualization of the Ilnosoparnian process on that planet also, and when this process had been actualized under the direction of the same Great Archangel Sakaki, then from that time on, on that planet also, just as on many others, there began to arise the ‘Corresponding,’ owing to which the said detached fragments exist until now without constituting a menace for a catastrophe on a great scale.

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“So, my boy, owing to all the aforesaid, there first arose on this planet Earth also, as there should, what are called ‘Similitudes-of-the-Whole,’ or as they are also called ‘Microcosmoses,’ and further, there were formed from these ‘Microcosmoses,’ what are called ‘Oduristelnian’ and ‘Polormedekhtic’ vegetations.

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“Still further, as also usually occurs, from the same ‘Microcosmoses’ there also began to be grouped various forms of what are called ‘Tetartocosmoses’ of all three brain-systems.

“And among these latter there then first arose just those biped ‘Tetartocosmoses’ whom you a while ago called ‘slugs.’

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“About how and why upon planets, during the transition of the fundamental sacred laws into ‘Ilnosoparnian,’ there arise ‘Similitudes-of-the-Whole’ and about what factors contribute to the formation of one or another of these, as they are called, ‘systems of being-brains,’ and also about all the laws of World-creation and World-maintenance in general, I will explain to you specially some other time.

 

10 Why “Men” Are Not Men

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“After the actualizing on this planet of the ‘Ilnosoparnian’ process, one year, by objective time-calculation, passed.

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“During this period there had gradually been coordinated on this planet also the corresponding processes for the involution and evolution of everything arising there.

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“And of course there began gradually to be crystallized in the three-brained beings there the corresponding data for the acquisition of objective Reason.

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“In short, on this planet also everything had then already begun to proceed in the usual normal order.

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“And therefore, my boy, if the Most High Commission under the supreme direction of the same Archangel Sakaki had not, at the end of a year, gone there again, perhaps all the subsequent misunderstandings connected with the three-brained beings arising on that ill-fated planet might not have occurred.

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“This second descent of the Most High Commission to that planet was due to the fact that in spite of the measures they had taken, of which I have told you, there had not yet crystallized in the Reasons of the majority of its sacred members a complete assurance of the impossibility of any undesirable surprise in the future, and they now wished to verify on the spot the results of those measures.

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“It was just during this second descent that the Most High Commission decided in any event, if only for the sake of their own reassurance, to actualize certain further special measures, among which was also that measure, the consequences of which have not only gradually turned into a stupendous terror for the three-brained beings themselves who arise on this ill-fated planet, but have even become, so to say, a malignant sore for the whole of the great Universe.

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“You must know that by the time of this second descent of the Most High Commission, there had already gradually been engendered in them—as is proper to three-brained beings—what is called ‘mechanical instinct.’

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“The sacred members of this Most High Commission then reasoned that if the said mechanical instinct in these biped three-brained beings of that planet should develop towards the attainment of Objective Reason—as usually occurs everywhere among three-brained beings—then it might quite possibly happen that they would prematurely comprehend the real cause of their arising and existence and make a great deal of trouble; it might happen that having understood the reason for their arising, namely, that by their existence they should maintain the detached fragments of their planet, and being convinced of this their slavery to circumstances utterly foreign to them, they would be unwilling to continue their existence and would on principle destroy themselves.

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“So, my boy, in view of this the Most High Commission then decided among other things provisionally to implant into the common presences of the three-brained beings there a special organ with a property such that, first, they should perceive reality topsy-turvy and, secondly, that every repeated impression from outside should crystallize in them data which would engender factors for evoking in them sensations of ‘pleasure’ and ‘enjoyment.’

 

16 The Relative Understanding of Time

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“And a diurnity they reckon as that span of time during which their planet makes its ‘completed-rotation’ during the actualizing of the said cosmic laws.

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“Bear in mind, by the way, that they also say ‘it-is-day,’ when in the atmosphere of their planet—just as in general on all the other planets on which, as I have already told you, the cosmic process called ‘Ilnosoparnian’ is actualized—that ‘Trogoautoegocratic’ process which we call ‘kshtatsavacht’ periodically proceeds; and they also call this cosmic phenomenon ‘daylight.’

“As regards the other process, the opposite one, which we call ‘kldatzacht,’ they call it ‘night’ and refer to it as ‘it-is-dark.’