Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson

23 The Fourth Personal Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth

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“I must first of all tell you that after I had met this Gornahoor Harharkh and had become friendly with him, I always, during our ‘subjective exchange of opinions,’ whenever we again met, shared my impressions with him about the strange psyche of the three-centered beings of that planet of yours.

“And the result of these exchanges of opinion of ours concerning your favorites was that he finally also became so interested in them that he once even very seriously asked me to keep him always informed, even if only approximately, of my observations of them, and thereafter I sent to him, just as I did to your uncle Tooilan, copies of all my brief-notes concerning the strange particularities of their psyche.

35 A Change in the Appointed Course of the Falling of the Transspace Ship Karnak

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“Your Reverence, at the beginning of our journey you condescended to let fall a word which hinted that on the return journey you would perhaps decide to stop on the way at the holy planet Purgatory to see the family of your son Tooilan. If this is indeed your intention, then it will be better if you give me the order to do so now, because we shall soon be passing through the solar system Khalmian, and if having passed this system we do not direct the falling of our ship immediately more to the left, we shall greatly lengthen the path of its falling.”

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“Yes, please, my dear Captain,” Beelzebub replied. “There is nothing against stopping on the way at this holy planet. No one knows whether there will be another such happy occasion for me to go there and visit the family of my dear son Tooilan.”

39 The Holy Planet “Purgatory”

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“Grandfather, oh, dear grandfather! Explain to me, please, why, as my uncle Tooilan told me, does our COMMON ALL-EMBRACING UNI-BEING AUTOCRAT ENDLESSNESS appear so often on this holy planet on which we have just been?”

44 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Understanding of Justice Is for Him in the Objective Sense an Accursed Mirage

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“After my arrival on the planet Mars, the said Cherub did indeed soon make his appearance, and the command given him from Above concerning me was this, that owing to my conscious labors for the attainment of results for the purpose of common-cosmic welfare, that is to say, owing to the fact that I had attained on your planet the abolition of the practice of ‘sacrificial offerings’ among the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, and also owing to the personal petition of His Conformity the Angel Looisos before our COMMON FATHER ENDLESSNESS, my punishment for my personal transgression was reduced in this respect that thenceforward it should no longer affect my posterity.

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“So it was just from then on that my children, that is your father and your uncle Tooilan, could already, whenever they wished, at their own desire, return to the Center, and there discharge their appropriate obligations to the innumerable actualizations of our UNIVERSAL FATHER.

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“After this great event for our family, my children indeed soon left the planet Mars and returned to the Center, where on their arrival, being already great sages in certain spheres of objective knowledge and good actualizers of its laws in practical application, they were soon appointed to appropriate responsible duties.

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“Your father, as I have already told you, was immediately assigned to the post of ‘Zirlikner’ on one of the parts of the surface of our dear Karatas, in which post he gradually became worthy of obtaining the responsibility of chief Zirlikner over all the three-brained beings breeding on our planet, which post he still retains.

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“And your uncle Tooilan, as I have also already told you, was then enrolled as one of the assistants to the director of the etherogram station on the holy planet Purgatory, which, then as now, has an ‘etherogram connection’ with almost all the planets of our Great Universe.

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“Later he also merited the post of chief director and this post he still retains at the present time.

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“I must explain to you, my boy, also why on their arrival there at the Center, my results or, according to the expression of your favorites, my ‘sons,’ then became worthy immediately to obtain these responsible posts.

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“Namely, your father liked to observe and study the mutual influence and maintenance of cosmic concentrations situated in the spheres nearest to the Prime Source, the Most Most Holy Sun Absolute, and your uncle Tooilan manifested an interest in the observations on the planet Earth and in the process which proceeded on it of the being-existence of the three-brained beings who have interested you. When I happened to be occupied with something else, I often commissioned him to keep note of all the changes which proceeded there.

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“When my sons were prepared to leave the planet Mars forever, your uncle Tooilan begged me to keep him periodically informed of my observations of the Earth beings, which I of course promised to do; and they flew away from there to the Center nearer to Our Lord.

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“When they arrived there and it proved that they were well informed concerning the position of cosmic concentrations and their properties and particularities, and also that they were practically versed in the calculations of the totality of the reciprocal influences, then thanks to all this they were immediately assigned to the said responsible duties.

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“And so when I learned of the permanent place of their existence and to which posts they were found worthy, I, from then on, according to my promise, sent every quarter of our year to Tooilan an exact copy of all my written summaries of those observations which I continued to make. Rather many years passed since the time I began to send Tooilan these etherograms and I personally did not know what became of them until I received information about these same turbulent events on the planet Purgatory. It transpired that the great Governor of the holy planet Purgatory, His All-Quarters-Maintainer the Arch-cherub Helkgematios, having once by chance learned that one of the assistants of the Governor of the etherogram station, Tooilan, periodically received from the solar system Ors very long etherograms from his father, evinced a desire to become acquainted with their contents, and having become acquainted with them, he not only became interested in them himself, but even commanded your uncle Tooilan always to reproduce the contents of these etherograms in the common planetary ‘Toolookhterzinek,’¹ so that some of the ‘higher being-bodies’ dwelling on the holy planet might, if they wished, for a rest, be informed of the psyche of those peculiar three-brained beings breeding in one of the very remote corners of the Megalocosmos.

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“Your uncle Tooilan afterwards always did so. Whenever he received etherograms from me he always reproduced their contents in the common planetary Toolookhterzinek, and in this way all those righteous souls dwelling on the holy planet were kept informed of all my observations and investigations of everything concerning their strange psyches.

“From then on, certain of the righteous higher being-bodies there on the holy planet not only began to follow all my observations very attentively, but they also began to ponder on the strangeness of their psyche.

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¹ Toolookhterzinek is similar—of course to a certain degree—to that which on Earth is called a “radiogram.”

45 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Extraction of Electricity from Nature and Its Destruction During Its Use, Is One of the Chief Causes of the Shortening of the Life of Man

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“You remember, I have already told you that my friend Gornahoor Harharkh was always kept informed of my observations on their strange psyche which I sent to him as well as to your uncle Tooilan, even with duplicates of certain of my notes.