Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson




18 The Arch-preposterous


“In all my three ‘being-centers’—namely, in the three centers localized in the presence of every three-centered being, and which exist under the names of ‘Thinking,’ ‘Feeling,’ and ‘Moving’ centers—there began to be perceived separately and independently in each of them in a very strange and unusual way very definite impressions that there was taking place in the separate parts of my whole planetary body an independent process of the sacred ‘Rascooarno,’ and that the cosmic crystallizations which composed the presences of these parts were flowing ‘in vain.


19 Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent onto the Planet Earth


“‘This custom is at present so widespread there, and the destruction of the existence of beings of various forms for this maleficent purpose has reached such dimensions, that there is already a surplus of the “Sacred Askokin” required from the planet Earth for its former parts, that is to say, a surplus of those vibrations which arise during the sacred process of “Rascooarno” of beings of every exterior form arising and existing on that planet from which the said sacred cosmic arising is required.


20 The Third Flight of Beelzebub to the Planet Earth


“To the inventor himself of this ingenious ‘religious-doctrine,’ namely, the wise King Konuzion, the sacred ‘Rascooarno’ had occurred long before this time, that is to say, he had long previously ‘died.’

“But of course owing once again to the strangeness of the psyche of your favorites, his invention had taken such a strong hold there that not a single being in the whole country of Maralpleicie then doubted the truth of its peculiar tenets.


21 The First Visit of Beelzebub to India


“‘But in consequence of the fact that before the period of the said Sacred Individual’s appearance here, the duration of your existence had, owing to very many firmly fixed abnormal conditions of ordinary existence created by yourselves, already become abnormally short, and therefore the process of sacred Rascooarno had also very soon to occur to this Sacred Individual, that is to say, he also had, like you, to die prematurely, then after his death, the former conditions were gradually re-established there owing on the one hand to the established abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence and, on the other hand, to that maleficent particularity in your psyche, called Wiseacring.


“This explanation of Saint Buddha together with other definite indications of His was spread by His nearest initiates among the ordinary beings there; and after the process of the sacred Rascooarno had occurred to Him, it also began to pass from generation to generation.


24 Beelzebub’s Flight to the Planet Earth for the Fifth Time


“Of course when I first noticed this, I at once took into account not only the chief particularity of their psyche, that is their periodic reciprocal destruction, but also the innumerable what are called ‘illnesses’ which exist exclusively only on that planet, the majority of which, by the way, arose and continue to arise owing to the same abnormal external conditions of the ordinary being-existence established by them, which help to make it impossible for them to exist normally up to the sacred Rascooarno.


28 The Chief Culprit in the Destruction of All the Very Saintly Labors of Ashiata Shiemash


“The first kind of Hasnamuss-individual is a three-brained being who, while acquiring in his common presence that something, still consists only of his planetary body and who, during the process of his sacred Rascooarno, is subject to the corresponding consequences of the presence in him of the properties of this something and is thus destroyed forever such as he is.


“For the Hasnamuss of the first kind, namely, when this something is acquired by a being still consisting only of just a planetary body alone, the decomposition of this planetary body of his does not proceed according to the general rule, that is to say, the cessation of the functioning in his organism of every kind of sensed-impulse does not proceed simultaneously with the approach of the ‘sacred Rascooarno,’ that is, death.


“But the process of the sacred Rascooarno begins in him still during his planetary existence and proceeds in parts, that is, one by one there gradually cease to participate in his common presence, the functioning of one or other of his separate independent spiritualized ‘localizations’—or, as your favorites would say there, in such a being, first of all, one of his brains with all its appertaining functions dies; later on, the second one dies, and only then does the final death of the being approach.


29 The Fruits of Former Civilizations and the Blossoms of the Contemporary


“At first these shepherds existed with their families and flocks scattered in different places; but later on their numbers gradually increased, partly from the immigration of beings from the continent Asia having the same occupation as themselves, and partly because they were becoming more and more prolific, owing to the fact that the Nature of the planet Earth was beginning to adapt Herself to the deteriorating quality of the vibrations She demanded that had to be formed from their radiations, by substituting those vibrations which are now obtained only from the process of their sacred Rascooarno, or as they say ‘from-their-death.’


“Even that fact, which I have recently often repeated, namely, that the process of the sacred Rascooarno is actualized for these favorites of yours in thirds—or, as they themselves would say, they begin to ‘die-in-parts’—proceeds also from the fact that, arising and being formed only according to the principle Itoklanoz and existing nonharmoniously, they disproportionately use up the contents, namely, their Bobbin-kandelnosts of these three separate independent brains, and hence it is that such a horrible ‘dying’ as is not proper to three-brained beings frequently occurs to them.


31 The Sixth and Last Sojourn of Beelzebub on the Planet Earth


“They do not even begin to suspect that this proceeds not because of any particular qualities in the beings themselves of the given communities, but depends exclusively only from what part of the surface of their planet, in correlation with the harmonious movement of the whole of their solar system, there is required at the given period for the purposes of the most great Omni-Universal-Trogoautoegocratic process more of those vibrations arising either from their radiations or from the process of the sacred Rascooarno proceeding with them.


33 Beelzebub as Professional Hypnotist


“Well, many centuries after the loss of Atlantis, beings of this Egypt, on the basis of the knowledge which had reached them, also discovered how, by means of that same sacred neutralizing-force of the sacred Okidanokh, to preserve the planetary bodies of certain of them forever in a nondecaying and nondecomposing state after the sacred Rascooarno, or as they say, after death had proceeded in them.


“Perhaps, my dear Hassein, you already know, like all the responsible beings of our Great Universe, and even those still only at the period of the second half of their preparation to become such, even without regard to the degree of their being-rumination, that the common presence of the planetary body of every being and in general of any other ‘relatively independent’ great or small cosmic unit must consist of all the three localized sacred substance-forces of the holy Triamazikamno, namely, of the substance-forces of the Holy-Affirming, Holy-Denying, and Holy-Reconciling, and that it must be sustained by them all the time in a corresponding and balanced state; and if for some reason or other, there enters into any presence a superfluity of the vibrations of any one of these three sacred forces, then infallibly and unconditionally, the sacred Rascooarno must occur to it, that is the total destruction of its ordinary existence as such. Well, my boy, because there had arisen in the presences of your contemporary favorites, as I have already told you, their further criminal need to despoil the sanctuaries of their ancestors, and certain of them with the purpose of satisfying their criminal needs even forced open in the mentioned way the hermetically closed rooms, then the sacred substance-force of the Holy-Reconciling existing in these rooms localized in a separate state, having had not sufficient time to blend with the space, entered into their presences and actualized its property proper to it according to Law.


37 France


“It was thanks particularly to the second almost criminal ‘unforeseeingness’ that this situation, terrifying for the three-brained beings, obtains there, namely, that on the one hand there are in their common presences as in the presences of all the three-brained beings of our Great Universe, all the possibilities for coating the ‘higher-being-bodies,’ and at the same time, thanks to the crystallization which has become inherent in them of the various consequences of the organ Kundabuffer, it is almost impossible for them to carry the higher sacred parts coated in them up to the required degree of perfecting. And since, according to the fundamental common cosmic laws, such a formation as their ‘higher-being-part,’ coated in the common presences of three-brained beings, is not subject to decomposition on planets, and since the planetary body of the beings cannot endlessly exist on planets and the process of the sacred Rascooarno must inevitably proceed with them at the proper time, therefore, their unfortunate higher bodies arising in the terrestrial three-brained beings must inevitably languish also forever in all kinds of exterior planetary forms.


38 Religion


“And so, my boy, after the sacred Rascooarno proceeds to these terrestrial three-brained beings—or, as they themselves express it, when they die—in the presences of whom are actualized the germs of Sacred Individuals, their contemporaries usually in order to remember and also in order to transmit to the beings of subsequent generations all that these Sacred Individuals had indicated and explained according to their attainments of responsible age, collect it all into one whole, and all this ‘collected-into-one-whole’ usually just serves as the beginning of all kinds of religious teachings there.


“During my observations on the process of the existence of these peculiar three-brained beings, there had been many times actualized from Above, in the common presences of certain of them, the germs of these Sacred Individuals and almost on each occasion—with the exception only of the Most Most Sacred Ashiata Shiemash, and all connected with Him which flowed from His own Most Great Labors—after their completed formation and their fulfillment of the mission imposed on them from Above, when the process of the sacred Rascooarno was completed with them, such religious teachings always began in the mentioned way to arise among these peculiar beings there, i.e., they, at first, as I said, collected into one whole all that was indicated and explained in detail by these Sacred Individuals intentionally actualized from Above, for the purpose of remembering it all themselves and also for the purpose of transmission to subsequent generations, yet, of course, into one whole which they collected from the very beginning, as it is said there, ‘from-bits-here-and-there,’ and later, as all of this which was collected together fell into the hands of just those two mentioned types there, well, just then they began, as I already expressed it, ‘to peck at’ all this, and further dividing themselves up into their famous what are called sects, already compose new fantastic religious teachings thought out by themselves, as a result of which there always obtains on this planet of yours, firstly, a large number of religions as numerous as the colors in the ‘rainbow,’ and secondly, as it is said, ‘the-same-old-story.’


“And so, in consequence of the fact that the body Kesdjan of the being is coated with those substances which in their totality make this cosmic formation much lighter than that mass of cosmic substances which surrounds the planets and is called the planetary atmosphere, then as soon as the body Kesdjan of the being is separated from the planetary body of the being, it at once rises according to the cosmic law called ‘Tenikdoa,’ or as it is sometimes called the ‘law of gravity,’ to that sphere in which it finds the weight proper to it equally balanced and which is therefore the corresponding place of such cosmic arisings; then, in consequence of all this, the preliminary preparation consists in this, that beforehand, still during the planetary existence of that being, on the body Kesdjan of whom it is intended after his decease to produce the sacrament of the sacred Almznoshinoo, a particle of his Hanbledzo├»n must be taken and this particle must be either kept in some corresponding surplanetary formation, or be introduced into those beings themselves who produce this ‘ritual,’ and intentionally blend with the Hanbledzo├»n of their own body Kesdjan.


“The data, however, for the doubt of these mentioned certain terrestrial three-brained beings of subsequent generations began to be crystallized and became an inalienable part of their common presences, chiefly because even in them in spite of the process, inherent in them, of almost automatic existence, yet nevertheless during a long period of time—many of their centuries—they gradually acquired from this automatic crystallizing, data for a more or less correct instinctive sensing of certain cosmic truths, as for instance, concerning the indubitable truth, that if the process of the sacred Rascooarno occurs to any being, or as they say ‘if someone dies’ and is moreover buried, then this being will never exist again, nor furthermore will he ever speak or teach again.


39 The Holy Planet “Purgatory”


“Further, when their ‘higher being-bodies’ were finally coated and all the corresponding functions had been acquired in them, and chiefly when it became possible for the data for engendering the sacred function, named ‘objective Reason,’ to become crystallized in them, which data can become crystallized exclusively only in the presences of those cosmic arisings, and when what is called ‘Rascooarno’ occurred to these ‘Tetartocosmoses’ or ‘beings,’ i.e., the separation of these diverse-natured ‘three-in-one’ formations from each other, only then did this ‘higher-being-part’ receive the possibility of uniting itself with the Cause-of-Causes of everything now existing, i.e., with our Most Most Holy Sun Absolute, and began to fulfill the purpose on which our ALL-EMBRACING ENDLESSNESS had placed HIS hope.


“Now it is necessary to explain to you in more detail in what successiveness this first sacred Rascooarno then occurred to these first Tetartocosmoses and how it occurs also now, to the as they are called ‘three-brained beings.’


“At first on the planet itself the ‘second-being-body,’ i.e., the body-Kesdjan, together with the ‘third-being-body’ separate themselves from the ‘fundamental-planetary-body’ and, leaving this planetary body on the planet, rise both together to that sphere where those cosmic substances—from the localizations of which the body-Kesdjan of a being arises—have their place of concentration.


“And only there, at the end of a certain time, does the principal and final sacred Rascooarno occur to this two-natured arising, after which such a ‘higher being-part’ indeed becomes an independent individual with its own individual Reason. Previously—i.e., before the Choot-God-Litanical period—this sacred cosmic actualization was, only after this second process of the sacred Rascooarno, either thought worthy of uniting with the presence of our Most Most Holy Sun Absolute or went into other cosmic concentrations where such independent holy Individuals were needed.


“And if at the moment of the approach of the final process of the sacred Rascooarno these cosmic arisings had not yet attained to the required gradation of Reason of the sacred scale of Reason, then this higher being-part had to exist in the said sphere until it had perfected its Reason to the required degree.


“It is impossible not to take notice here of that objective terror which occurs to the already risen higher-being-parts, who, owing to all results in new cosmic processes unforeseen from Above, have not yet perfected themselves up to the necessary gradations of Reason.


“The point is, that according to various second-grade cosmic laws, the ‘being-body-Kesdjan’ cannot exist long in this sphere, and at the end of a certain time this second being-part must decompose, irrespective of whether the higher being-part existing within it had by that time attained the requisite degree of Reason; and in view of the fact that as long as this higher being-part does not perfect its Reason to the requisite degree, it must always be dependent upon some Kesdjanian arising or other, therefore immediately after the second sacred Rascooarno every such still unperfected higher being-body gets into a state called ‘Techgekdnel’ or ‘searching-for-some-other-similar-two-natured-arising-corresponding-to-itself so that when the higher part of this other two-natured arising perfects itself to the required degree of Reason and the final process of the sacred Rascooarno occurs to it, and the speedy disintegration of its Kesdjan body is not yet clearly sensed, this higher being-body might instantly enter this other body Kesdjan and continue to exist in it for its further perfection, which perfection must sooner or later be inevitably accomplished by every arisen higher being-body.


“And that is why, in that sphere to where the higher being-part goes after the first sacred Rascooarno, that process proceeds called ‘Okipkhalevnian-exchange-of-the-external-part-of-the-soul’ or ‘exchange-of-the-former-being-body-Kesdjan.’


“Here, you might as well be told that your favorites also have, as it were, a similar representation about the ‘Okipkhalevnian exchange’ and they have even invented a very clever name for it, namely, ‘metempsychosis’ or ‘reincarnation’; and that branch of their famous science which in recent centuries has been created around this question also gradually became, and at the present already is, one of those minor maleficent factors, the totality of which is gradually making their Reason, already strange enough without this, always more and more, as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin would say: ‘Shooroomooroomnian.’


“According to the fantastic branch of this theory of their ‘science,’ now called spiritualism, they suppose among other things that each of them already has a higher being-part or, as they call it, a soul, and that a transmigration must be occurring the whole time to this soul, i.e., something of the kind of this same ‘Okipkhalevnian exchange’ of which I have just spoken.


“Of course, if these unfortunates would only take into consideration that according to the second-grade cosmic law called ‘Tenikdoa’ or ‘law of gravity,’ this same being-part—if in rare cases it does happen that it arises in them—instantly rises after the first Rascooarno of the being, or, as they express it, after the death of the being, from the surface of their planet; and if they understood that the explanations and proofs, given by this branch of their ‘science,’ of all sorts of phenomena which proceed as it were among them there thanks to those fantastic souls of theirs, were only the fruits of their idle fancy—then they would already realize that everything else proved by this science of theirs is also nothing else but Mullah Nassr Eddin’s ‘twaddle.’


“Now as regards the first two lower being-bodies, namely the planetary-body and the body-Kesdjan, then, after the first sacred Rascooarno of a being, his planetary body, being formed of Microcosmoses or of crystallizations transformed on that planet itself, gradually decomposes and disintegrates there on that same planet, according to a certain second-grade cosmic law called ‘Again-Tarnotoltoor,’ into its own primordial substances from which it obtained its arising.


“As regards the second-being-body, namely, the body-Kesdjan, this body, being formed of radiations of other concentrations of Tritocosmoses and of the Sun itself of the given solar system, and having entered after the second process of the sacred Rascooarno into the sphere just mentioned, also begins gradually to decompose, and the crystallizations of which it is composed go in various ways into the sphere of its own primordial arisings.


“But the higher being-body itself, being formed of crystallizations received directly from the sacred Theomertmalogos into the solar system within the limits of which the being arises and where his existence proceeds, can never decompose; and this ‘higher part’ must exist in the given solar system as long as it does not perfect itself to the required Reason, to just that Reason which makes similar cosmic formations what are called ‘Irankipaekh,’ i.e., such formations of the mentioned Most Most Sacred substances as can exist and be independent of Kesdjanian arisings and at the same time not be subject to what are called ‘painful’ influences from any external cosmic factors whatsoever.


40 Beelzebub Tells How People Learned and Again Forgot About the Fundamental Cosmic Law of Heptaparaparshinokh


“And so, when for the second time, from my observations of the existence of these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, there arose on this still quite young China thanks to the mentioned two great terrestrial scientists, the twin brothers, an independent branch of genuine science, that is, ‘the-totality-of-the-information-concerning-the-special-question-thoroughly-cognized-by-perfected-Reason’ of three-brained beings who had existed earlier, in the given case concerning the fundamental cosmic law of the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh then called the law of ‘ninefoldness,’ then this branch of science was not only handed down almost normally in an unchanged form from generation to generation during the first two to three centuries counting from the time of the sacred Rascooarno of the great twin brothers, but it even gradually became—thanks to their followers, also genuine learned beings of that period—as it is said ‘detailized’ and became accessible to the perception of even ordinary beings.


“Among these followers a century and a half after the sacred Rascooarno of the saints-brothers, there was a certain genuine learned being, King-Too-Toz by name, who, on the basis of the principles of the construction of the middle part of the apparatus Alla-attapan named Dzendvokh, propounded a very detailed theory under the name ‘evolution and involution of vibrations,’ and for the confirmation of this theory of his he made a special elucidatory apparatus which he called ‘Lav-Merz-Nokh’ and which, by the way, later became also widely known among almost all the learned beings of our Great Megalocosmos.


43 Beelzebub’s Survey of the Process of the Periodic Reciprocal Destruction of Men, or Beelzebub’s Opinion of War


“And so, my boy, although the hypothesis put forward in the theory of that uncommon learned Kurd Atarnakh very nearly, as I have already told you, approximated to reality, yet nevertheless he failed to understand what was most important, namely, that the vibrations required by Nature, which have to be formed from the radiations issuing from beings both during their existence as well as from the process of their Rascooarno, have no significance quantitatively, but only qualitatively.


“It was plainly owing to the fact that during the said process what is called ‘poison gas’ was invented by beings called ‘Germans,’ and what are called special ‘rapid-fire machine guns’ by beings called ‘Englishmen,’ that the amount of Rascooarnos or deaths unforeseen by Nature took place on this occasion and in a far greater quantity than was then required by Her, or, as the candidates for Hasnamuss there, namely, the commercial businessmen, would say, ‘overproduction’ occurred in respect of the deaths of the three-brained beings required there.


44 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Understanding of Justice Is for Him in the Objective Sense an Accursed Mirage


“And this notion then arose there evidently because the beings of our tribe had an incommensurably longer duration of existence than theirs, and hence the cases of the sacred ‘Rascooarno’ among our tribe were rare, and perhaps it happened that in those periods this sacred process did not even occur to any of our tribe.


45 In the Opinion of Beelzebub, Man’s Extraction of Electricity from Nature and Its Destruction During Its Use, Is One of the Chief Causes of the Shortening of the Life of Man


“And when they reach this state of the sacred Ischmetch and the Reason of their highest part is already perfected up to the required gradation of the sacred measure of Reason, then in the first place, the process of the sacred Rascooarno may also proceed with them, but only by their own wish; and secondly, their highest being-body is taken directly to the holy planet Purgatory.